“I've been down so Goddamn long
That it looks like up to me”
JIM MORRISON
Women, where do u start with them. If u have them u regret it n if u don’t u crave for them. All these years I used to think why are women so god damn gorgeous, I wish some one could give an answer. Is it a basic anomaly that has been balanced out or is it just that we are so horny that everything looks beautiful to us.
Whatever the answer maybe but they are a force to reckon with. The support of a woman can make u fly on cloud number nine and her disapproval can make your life a misery. But no one can disagree with the fact that you’re incomplete without a woman.
It was a very funny way that I met my better half. My life was at an all time low. I didn’t clear JEE MAINS and I had also didn’t clear the engineering papers. I had lost all hope in life, my parents respect and even friends I trusted. It was as if there was no meaning and direction to my life, everything felt so dizzy n I was feeling like I was going round in circles. I had totally messed up my life and I had given up that I would ever emerge from this clutter I created because of my own stupidity and ignorance.
My whole life I never had to face so many hardships than I faced in my first three years after I passed out of my school. In my school I was always a topper and I guess that time the competition had kept me strive for more. But once I passed out it was a totally new game. Everything was new. All the new hot chicks in fancy dress’s that I used to only imagine in my wildest dreams. All the new food, the new places, the new friends, the new music, the new movies.
But still I don think it made such a big difference academically to me in my first year because I still got more than an average 11th class pupil. I thoroughly enjoyed my first year, we had gone a trek to Igatpuri. It was the first time I ever went out of the city without my family. It was a gorgeous place. Maybe I will write on it at some other time but that experience thought me many things.
And since I got good marks in 11th , my dad got me a PC. Again that was a different world for me. There was so much to explore with the internet (not only porn). I met many new people that time since chat rooms were free. But with a dial up nothing was steady. It was interesting to note the fact that when a girl replies back to u (which happened once in million times) the same moment the connection used to break and I used to curse my luck, It was like the whole universe is against me to meet the opposite sex.
Anyways being raised in a traditional urban environment even I went to 12th classes as soon as I finished 11th. That experience was like hell. I had to get up at 6 (which I never did in my whole life) in the morning and go to mulund. I used to curse as why I have to go to classes. But my parents reassured me that if u work hard now u will reap benefits later. For my parents happiness I used to go daily as a slave to the class but grasping nothing. You tell me, how the fuck is it possible to grasp anything after u wake up at 6 and sit in a chilling AC atmosphere. That was simply not my cup of tree.
I used to bunk college thinking what’s the point in hearing the same thing which u have learned before. As a result I lost out on both sides. My math had become so weak that I was fearing I would flunk. Imagine a boy who never failed in any subject whole life, failed the 12th exams. That thought motivated me to somehow clear it. But it was not enough, because I couldn’t live up to my parents expectations. And I had no choice left but to take up admission where ever I got. My first preference was computers because I knew I was good at it and even all my close friends thought so. But my dad never let me take it up and my interest didn’t couldn’t count because I had lost his trust too. I think that is the point my life take a total u turn. I resented everything, hadn’t sorted out my priorities so didn’t no where exactly I was heading.
Keeping all that aside I was still excited about my new college, in thought of becoming an engineer one fine day. I didn’t go to college the first week because I was scared of being ragged. Thankfully I never faced the embarrassment. Finally when I reached, it was so depressing. The professors suck, there are no chick’s, it’s a mile away from civilization, there was no one from my place. The first day was such a turn off that I ended up not going the whole semester. The friends I found over there were such who cared a rats ass about college and life and even studies. As a result from being a hard worker I ended up wasting all my time in non sense achievements.
Then came the big day, “The results”. When I told my parents that I got 2 kt’s , my mom almost died of shock. There was a big hue and cry in the house. How the second semester passed away only god knows ,because I cant even remember a thing about it. All I know is I took everything very lightly and ended up getting 3 more kt’s without clearing the earlier ones. At least that sem was understandable since I was concentrating more on JEE. But as it had to be I couldn’t clear the main exams of IIT. I think that was the lowest point in my life. It was life I was walking in darkness after being stoned. And then there was another stoner waiting to crop its ugly head up. Then there was the news that people with 5 KT’s couldn’t go into 2nd year. That came as such a rude shock that I couldn’t ever recover from it.
In spite of the strikes, the fights nothing changed and the fucking Mumbai University stood by its decision. Because of some son of a bitch sitting in a university office countless students lost one year of their lives. It was like one year sentenced to rigorous imprisonment without parole. As everyone knows there’s no one to support you when your legs are tied up In hell. I spent those eight months like a zombie in the house. First 2 months I couldn’t get out of the house and was not able to face anyone. It was so humiliating and goddamn depressing. I lost all my faith in god. Not that I was a devout worshipper before but I used to think that god is looking from above and he will fix everything that will go wrong.
But thankfully my parents helped me to recover. They told me to get out of the house and try to look out for a part time job or something to at least keep my mind occupied. And that was the time when the call centre boom was going on. So I started fixing up interviews and was selected in my first interview. It was a great place, I did training and worked on the floor for a month. But I got fed up off it and even my parents told me to leave it cuz they think that once u start earning its not possible to leave it and concentrate on studies.
And during those days I met my gf, a chirpy little girl who I fell madly and deeply in love after we spoke for twice or thrice. I still remember that day clearly when we spoke for the first time. I was searching on yahoo for anyone to talk to and I came by her id and sent a message “hi”, “how ya doin”( JOE style). And she replied that “do I know u”. And I had said, “no, but u can”. I came to know later that she never talked to strangers and that day she was waiting for her sister to come online and was getting bored so she spoke to me. It was a real intervention from above that we met. Anyways as things progressed later we became friends and I came to know that she’s just moved in Bombay and was preparing for MBA. And then she had to go.
I used to wait every day waiting for her to come online, but she never did the whole week. I was thinking maybe m on her ignore list. Just when I had given up she came online again on the weekend. I still rem how excited I had got to see her again. I was thinking maybe she’s forgotten me but she hadn’t and then we got into talking again and I came to know that she comes to her aunt’s house on the weekends. We shared our likes , dislikes , hobbies, etc.. And there were many things we had in common. And again she had to go and there was a long wait for me again. One full week, it was very teasing but still I waited and I knew she wouldn’t come again till one week. And then we met again and again till 2 months I guess. We knew there was something between us but I didn’t have the courage to speak up cuz I didn’t wanna loose the only good thing happened to me in days. And finally se told me that she like’s me. U can say that , tat one sentence changed my life. It was great to know that there is someone in this world who loves you. And it also helped that we both were not in a relationship before. There was so much to explore, so much to say , so much so share, but so little time.
And then we exchanged our numbers, we used to spend hours speaking to each other. I used to treat her like an absolute princess. And I think after talking on the phone for about a month we decided to meet. Without knowing how to go to bandra I started from house in my car, and after 2 hours of frantic searching and driving I was waiting outside her house. I was anxious as well as scared as in how the meeting will turn out. We had already decided what we will say to each other when we meet on phone. I was gonna say “hi, how are you, let me get the door for you, where would u like to go”. And she would say “ hi, m fine, lets go to bandstand or something”.
In spite of repeated rehearsals, when the day came when I had to perform I was totally chickening out. I was thinking wot if this was some rude joke and what if a guy comes with her and they mug me and start beating the crap out of me. Finally when I saw that stunning girl coming towards me I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. And when she came and stood near me I was totally shy, couldn’t look in her eyes also. So she said “hi sonu”. We were smiling but I was totally tongue tied. Not a single word came out of my mouth. I somehow said “hi” with a stammer and I opened the door of my car and she sat in. When I was walking around my car to get in my door I just stood there for a moment and I pinched my self asking is it true that a girl is sitting in my car or is it just my imagination. I somehow came inside and started the engine. I felt at ease when I was driving at least it was my zone, I could control from hence forth. She was saying something but I was so scared and engrossed in my thoughts that I never looked at her even once till we reached there.
And we were there finally, sitting in my car was a beauty whom I always dreamt of being with. We started making TP conversations and she took my hand in her hands. I was so shy and embarrassed at that time that I started looking out of the car to see if someone was looking. U can say that it was the first time that I touched a female. I think that was the time when the ice was broken, I was more at ease with her. We then decided to take a walk at bandstand. It was the first time I was there, and I was thrilled with the scenery. A cool breeze blowing by your face, a never ending ocean before you, the sun setting down, a beauty by your side, it was simply perfect. It was the most beautiful and intimate moment of my life. And then it was time to go back, I couldn’t let her go and I knew even she didn’t wanna go home but she had to. So we walked back to my car, and we were sitting in my car and just when I was starting the engine she came and gave me a peck on my cheek. I wasn’t expecting this and it really took me by surprise. I looked at her and she said “I had a nice time today”. We both smiled and then I couldn’t help but look at her lips and she knew that it was coming so we kissed. And that was my first kiss but not my last.
I dropped her back at her place and we decided we will meet again the next day.
That I will be writing in my next post.
That it looks like up to me”
JIM MORRISON
Women, where do u start with them. If u have them u regret it n if u don’t u crave for them. All these years I used to think why are women so god damn gorgeous, I wish some one could give an answer. Is it a basic anomaly that has been balanced out or is it just that we are so horny that everything looks beautiful to us.
Whatever the answer maybe but they are a force to reckon with. The support of a woman can make u fly on cloud number nine and her disapproval can make your life a misery. But no one can disagree with the fact that you’re incomplete without a woman.
It was a very funny way that I met my better half. My life was at an all time low. I didn’t clear JEE MAINS and I had also didn’t clear the engineering papers. I had lost all hope in life, my parents respect and even friends I trusted. It was as if there was no meaning and direction to my life, everything felt so dizzy n I was feeling like I was going round in circles. I had totally messed up my life and I had given up that I would ever emerge from this clutter I created because of my own stupidity and ignorance.
My whole life I never had to face so many hardships than I faced in my first three years after I passed out of my school. In my school I was always a topper and I guess that time the competition had kept me strive for more. But once I passed out it was a totally new game. Everything was new. All the new hot chicks in fancy dress’s that I used to only imagine in my wildest dreams. All the new food, the new places, the new friends, the new music, the new movies.
But still I don think it made such a big difference academically to me in my first year because I still got more than an average 11th class pupil. I thoroughly enjoyed my first year, we had gone a trek to Igatpuri. It was the first time I ever went out of the city without my family. It was a gorgeous place. Maybe I will write on it at some other time but that experience thought me many things.
And since I got good marks in 11th , my dad got me a PC. Again that was a different world for me. There was so much to explore with the internet (not only porn). I met many new people that time since chat rooms were free. But with a dial up nothing was steady. It was interesting to note the fact that when a girl replies back to u (which happened once in million times) the same moment the connection used to break and I used to curse my luck, It was like the whole universe is against me to meet the opposite sex.
Anyways being raised in a traditional urban environment even I went to 12th classes as soon as I finished 11th. That experience was like hell. I had to get up at 6 (which I never did in my whole life) in the morning and go to mulund. I used to curse as why I have to go to classes. But my parents reassured me that if u work hard now u will reap benefits later. For my parents happiness I used to go daily as a slave to the class but grasping nothing. You tell me, how the fuck is it possible to grasp anything after u wake up at 6 and sit in a chilling AC atmosphere. That was simply not my cup of tree.
I used to bunk college thinking what’s the point in hearing the same thing which u have learned before. As a result I lost out on both sides. My math had become so weak that I was fearing I would flunk. Imagine a boy who never failed in any subject whole life, failed the 12th exams. That thought motivated me to somehow clear it. But it was not enough, because I couldn’t live up to my parents expectations. And I had no choice left but to take up admission where ever I got. My first preference was computers because I knew I was good at it and even all my close friends thought so. But my dad never let me take it up and my interest didn’t couldn’t count because I had lost his trust too. I think that is the point my life take a total u turn. I resented everything, hadn’t sorted out my priorities so didn’t no where exactly I was heading.
Keeping all that aside I was still excited about my new college, in thought of becoming an engineer one fine day. I didn’t go to college the first week because I was scared of being ragged. Thankfully I never faced the embarrassment. Finally when I reached, it was so depressing. The professors suck, there are no chick’s, it’s a mile away from civilization, there was no one from my place. The first day was such a turn off that I ended up not going the whole semester. The friends I found over there were such who cared a rats ass about college and life and even studies. As a result from being a hard worker I ended up wasting all my time in non sense achievements.
Then came the big day, “The results”. When I told my parents that I got 2 kt’s , my mom almost died of shock. There was a big hue and cry in the house. How the second semester passed away only god knows ,because I cant even remember a thing about it. All I know is I took everything very lightly and ended up getting 3 more kt’s without clearing the earlier ones. At least that sem was understandable since I was concentrating more on JEE. But as it had to be I couldn’t clear the main exams of IIT. I think that was the lowest point in my life. It was life I was walking in darkness after being stoned. And then there was another stoner waiting to crop its ugly head up. Then there was the news that people with 5 KT’s couldn’t go into 2nd year. That came as such a rude shock that I couldn’t ever recover from it.
In spite of the strikes, the fights nothing changed and the fucking Mumbai University stood by its decision. Because of some son of a bitch sitting in a university office countless students lost one year of their lives. It was like one year sentenced to rigorous imprisonment without parole. As everyone knows there’s no one to support you when your legs are tied up In hell. I spent those eight months like a zombie in the house. First 2 months I couldn’t get out of the house and was not able to face anyone. It was so humiliating and goddamn depressing. I lost all my faith in god. Not that I was a devout worshipper before but I used to think that god is looking from above and he will fix everything that will go wrong.
But thankfully my parents helped me to recover. They told me to get out of the house and try to look out for a part time job or something to at least keep my mind occupied. And that was the time when the call centre boom was going on. So I started fixing up interviews and was selected in my first interview. It was a great place, I did training and worked on the floor for a month. But I got fed up off it and even my parents told me to leave it cuz they think that once u start earning its not possible to leave it and concentrate on studies.
And during those days I met my gf, a chirpy little girl who I fell madly and deeply in love after we spoke for twice or thrice. I still remember that day clearly when we spoke for the first time. I was searching on yahoo for anyone to talk to and I came by her id and sent a message “hi”, “how ya doin”( JOE style). And she replied that “do I know u”. And I had said, “no, but u can”. I came to know later that she never talked to strangers and that day she was waiting for her sister to come online and was getting bored so she spoke to me. It was a real intervention from above that we met. Anyways as things progressed later we became friends and I came to know that she’s just moved in Bombay and was preparing for MBA. And then she had to go.
I used to wait every day waiting for her to come online, but she never did the whole week. I was thinking maybe m on her ignore list. Just when I had given up she came online again on the weekend. I still rem how excited I had got to see her again. I was thinking maybe she’s forgotten me but she hadn’t and then we got into talking again and I came to know that she comes to her aunt’s house on the weekends. We shared our likes , dislikes , hobbies, etc.. And there were many things we had in common. And again she had to go and there was a long wait for me again. One full week, it was very teasing but still I waited and I knew she wouldn’t come again till one week. And then we met again and again till 2 months I guess. We knew there was something between us but I didn’t have the courage to speak up cuz I didn’t wanna loose the only good thing happened to me in days. And finally se told me that she like’s me. U can say that , tat one sentence changed my life. It was great to know that there is someone in this world who loves you. And it also helped that we both were not in a relationship before. There was so much to explore, so much to say , so much so share, but so little time.
And then we exchanged our numbers, we used to spend hours speaking to each other. I used to treat her like an absolute princess. And I think after talking on the phone for about a month we decided to meet. Without knowing how to go to bandra I started from house in my car, and after 2 hours of frantic searching and driving I was waiting outside her house. I was anxious as well as scared as in how the meeting will turn out. We had already decided what we will say to each other when we meet on phone. I was gonna say “hi, how are you, let me get the door for you, where would u like to go”. And she would say “ hi, m fine, lets go to bandstand or something”.
In spite of repeated rehearsals, when the day came when I had to perform I was totally chickening out. I was thinking wot if this was some rude joke and what if a guy comes with her and they mug me and start beating the crap out of me. Finally when I saw that stunning girl coming towards me I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. And when she came and stood near me I was totally shy, couldn’t look in her eyes also. So she said “hi sonu”. We were smiling but I was totally tongue tied. Not a single word came out of my mouth. I somehow said “hi” with a stammer and I opened the door of my car and she sat in. When I was walking around my car to get in my door I just stood there for a moment and I pinched my self asking is it true that a girl is sitting in my car or is it just my imagination. I somehow came inside and started the engine. I felt at ease when I was driving at least it was my zone, I could control from hence forth. She was saying something but I was so scared and engrossed in my thoughts that I never looked at her even once till we reached there.
And we were there finally, sitting in my car was a beauty whom I always dreamt of being with. We started making TP conversations and she took my hand in her hands. I was so shy and embarrassed at that time that I started looking out of the car to see if someone was looking. U can say that it was the first time that I touched a female. I think that was the time when the ice was broken, I was more at ease with her. We then decided to take a walk at bandstand. It was the first time I was there, and I was thrilled with the scenery. A cool breeze blowing by your face, a never ending ocean before you, the sun setting down, a beauty by your side, it was simply perfect. It was the most beautiful and intimate moment of my life. And then it was time to go back, I couldn’t let her go and I knew even she didn’t wanna go home but she had to. So we walked back to my car, and we were sitting in my car and just when I was starting the engine she came and gave me a peck on my cheek. I wasn’t expecting this and it really took me by surprise. I looked at her and she said “I had a nice time today”. We both smiled and then I couldn’t help but look at her lips and she knew that it was coming so we kissed. And that was my first kiss but not my last.
I dropped her back at her place and we decided we will meet again the next day.
That I will be writing in my next post.
